TME > Audio > Tributes Discography

Tributes Easter Egg # 1 - Guide to Fandom

This article appeared in every version of TME (from version 1 in 1997 right up to 2006), with small additions every few years to include things like Big Finish and Doctor Who Night (both of which rather spoiled the original premise, which was that Doctor Who died for good in 1996 and only fandom kept it running...) Eventually it fell so badly out of date that we gave up and deleted it. But we missed it right away, and so you can always find it here - tucked away in a secret corner of Tributes!

How to prove your worth in fandom -
A decade-by-decade guide!

Watch Doctor Who once a week without fail, preferably taping it by any means possible, using camera equipment to catch random shots that would later confuse and frustrate fans when the episodes went missing. Release silly singles about Daleks in attempts to cash in on Dalekmania and reach Christmas number one. Buy all Doctor Who related merchandise - including silly singles about Daleks at Christmas time - and attend so many showing of 'Dr Who And The Daleks' that you can quote all of Roy Castle's lines in quick succession. Become a research manager for Blue Peter, able to recommend clips from old episodes and then walk away with 'The Tenth Planet ' Episode Four and other goodies.
Join - or, even better, set up - Doctor Who fan clubs in your area, then wait for the DWAS to form and hastily join that. Wear your Tom Baker underpants with pride as you go to buy Dr Who weekly, and collect the Target novelisations whose every word you hang on and foolishly believe to be what was broadcast. Set up fanzines in which you slag off stories now regarded as classics and declare affection for episodes you'll see again some day and want to run away and hide from. Memorise details from The Making of Doctor Who and have intellectual discussions with your mates about story codes. Eat, drink, wear, read, stick, write, collect and listen to as much merchandise the BBC can release without embarrassing themselves. And more.
Hate the new theme tune. Hate Peter Davison. Hate John Nathan-Turner. Want Adric back. Visit Longleat. Love Caves of Androzani. Want Peter Davison back. Love 'The Twin Dilemma'. Love Colin Baker. Hate 'Attack of The Cybermen'. Hate Colin Baker. Hate John Nathan-Turner. Hate season twenty-two. Decide you hated 'The Twin Dilemma'. Discover season twenty-three is going to be held back and protest your pants off, buying records and even The Sun in order to save the programme. See 'The Trial of a Time Lord'. Hate it. Hate Mel. Hate John Nathan-Turner. Protest a bit about nothing in particular. Hate Keff McCulloch's theme tune. Pretend to hate CAL Video too, but secretly like the TARDIS bubble. Hate Sylvester McCoy. Decide you liked Colin Baker and want him back. Protest about the faked regeneration. Hate John Nathan-Turner. Quite like 'Remembrance Of The Daleks', but still hate John Nathan-Turner. Don't understand 'Ghost Light', so decide it's rubbish and hate it. Buy all the Dapol toys and act out adventures in your garage which you claim are a million times better than season 26. Wish there was a John Nathan-Turner doll so you could pull its legs off.
Realise there may never be a new series again. Place all your hopes and dreams on Green Light... then Amblin... and learn to accept the fact that any mention of a movie is a lie. Hate the New Adventures until they get good, then claim to have loved them all along and write your own. Buy the Years tapes and turn nostalgic. Subscribe to UK Gold, buy a big box of blank tapes and laugh your head off as the BBC take their time releasing a couple of videos a year. Catalogue and index everything, and wish that all the old episodes would turn up so your video collection wouldn't be so sparse. Rejoice when all the sixties audios turn up - then feel depressed as you realise the stories you pinned your dreams on are actually quite crap. Realise this even more when people with way too much free time reconstruct these stories with telesnaps and photos, but find the recons impressive and try one yourself, which is rubbish. Hide your Doctor Who badge as 'Dimensions In Time ' is broadcast. Write a new type of fanzine article, approaching Doctor Who in an intellectual, philosophical manner (as opposed to hating John Nathan-Turner). Become so annoyed with bogus announcements about the movie that you miss the one introducing Paul McGann, and feel your jaw drop when it finally appears in 1996. Love every minute, then later hear some other fans slating its script and decide it was crud after all. Bask in the BBC's re-launch, and love the new Eighth Doctor books so much that you even forgive John Nathan-Turner.

Set up your own Who-inspired web-site, preferably offering downloads of new audio or CGI adventures. Support the worthy efforts of Big Finish to bring Doctor Who back to life, but regard them as second best to your own creations because BFP haven't featured the Cybermen yet. Become a successful TV writer (of comedy, soaps or gay drama), and treat your love of Doctor Who with respect by including subtle references to the Tom Baker era in all your scripts. Surprise yourself by watching John Nathan-Turner with affection when he is wheeled out on Doctor Who nights.