TME > Audio > Tributes Discography
Tribute Songs
1980 - (I Wanna Be) Doctor Who
Jackson Zumdish: (I Wanna Be) Doctor Who
Australian 7" vinyl single, Limited edition of 500, 1980
Agro Fish 17171
A. (I Wanna Be) Doctor Who
B. Knup in Your Eye
Written by Michael Spargo and Baden Smith
--> Lyrics
I don't know the answer to the secret
Of creation and what it means
But I'd give it all away for a twenty foot scalf
And a pocket full of Jelly Beans (You mean babies)
CHORUS
I wanna be Doctor Who
I wanna be a Timelord too
I'd jump in my TARDIS
Thump up the Daleks
And come and pick up you
I wouldn't worry 'bout the Zygon menace
And the Cyberman problem ain't mine
Why would I bother with it when I've got you
Here as well as K9 (Bow-wow)
CHORUS
I can't be me on Gallifrey
And there's even less chance for you
To roam around the galaxy
with me when I'm Doctor Who |
Yeah, Doctor Who
Doctor Who
Doctor Who
Exterminate, pursue
Oh yeah, I'd have enemies for sure
But that wouldn't worry me much
'Cos when I'm Doctor Who you know
I have that magic touch
CHORUS
I'd jump into time and space no worries
And have some dimensional fun
And then I'd get ready to come see you
Five, four, three, two, one (Let's go!)
INSTRUMENTAL
I know I aint got sophistication
But that won't matter a bit
'Cos all I'll need is a floppy hat
A lot of luck and wit |
Yeah, I'd go anywhere I wanted to
Anywhere in time or space
And when I'm tired of flying around
I'd come back to your place
I could be a galactic hero
You know, and save the day
And when it gets too much
I'll get my TARDIS to take me away
But, I won't need a police box honey
To make my call to you
You'll get my message clear enough
When I'm Doctor Who
When I'm Doctor Who
Doctor Who |
Adelaide group Jackson Zumdish released the novelty song (I Wanna Be) Doctor Who on their own Agro Fish Recordings label in 1980. Written by Michael Spargo and Baden Smith, the single came with a promotional badge and gave Jackson Zumdish their biggest hit; though the exact size of this so-called "hit" is difficult to ascertain, as the only information located by TME comes from the band's own website!
Australia – if questioned on the matter – seems rather proud of this single, acknowledging it as one of their most popular underground/own-label singles. The tune is alright, and the lyrics not too bad, but the vocals display a definite tongue-in-cheek attitude: the lead singer talks his way through the song in a silly voice (we suspect he’s doing an impression of a sad Doctor Who fan, though he might just sound stupid) and the backing vocalists clearly have little control over their pitch and tune. The instruments are mostly synthesisers (though the drums sound real, and the saxophone solo could be, too), with the opening ‘space sounds’ and closing rendition of the Doctor Who theme sounding particularly dated now – the kind of sounds you’d only find on the cheapest novelty keyboards! But it all adds up to a rather charming number, with the poor production and ludicrously bad singing making the song sound like a labour of love – both the silliness factor and Australian accents make it sound like a close cousin of the old radio spoof Dr Poo... and that's no bad thing.
The track was also available (in remixed form) on Off The Record, a CD retrospective available only to individuals requesting a copy via mail-order; though, again, information on this only appears online at http://users.chariot.net.au/~kimber/zumdish.htm.
1981 - Doctor...?
Blood Donor: Doctor...?
7" vinyl single, picture sleeve, May 1981
Safari SAFE 29
A. Doctor...?
B. Soap Box Blues
Reissue (as B-side): 7" Vinyl, picture sleeve, June 1985
Safari DOCTOR 1
A. Who is the Doctor Jon Pertwee
B. Doctor...? Blood Donor
Gordon Coxon: Drums/Songwriter
Keith Hale: Vocals/Keyboards/Producer/Songwriter
Simon Etchell: Keyboards
Simone: Vocals
Steve James: Producer
Sandra Read: Management
--> Lyrics
(Doctor...)
I had a strange dream
Who knows what it means
I walked on moonbeams
With Doctor Who
(Doctor Doctor Who...)
Everyone was fighting
Thunder and lightning
It was so exciting
With Doctor Who
(Doctor Doctor Who...) |
Planet Earth was crimson
Oceans were running dry
Our days were numbered
'Til Doctor Who heard our cry
Suddenly his time machine
Dropped down from the sky
With his long scarf and K9 friends
It's Doctor Who
It's Doctor Who
It's Doctor Who!
(Doctor Doctor Who...) |
He took one look around him
He said "This is no joke
I'll neutralise their weapons
Before the world goes up in smoke"
I had a strange dream
Who knows what it means
I walked on moonbeams
With Doctor Who
(Doctor Doctor Who...) |
This dotty, but marvellous, 80s synth-pop single isn't often remembered by Doctor Who fandom, but as the only environmentally-aware record in this vast discography we think it deserves some attention. The tune is unmemorable - a looped sample of the TARDIS introduces a steady bass pulse, and layers of synthesised organs swirl behind echoey vocals - but the lyrics foresee a time when Earth "is crimson", all "thunderbolts and lightning", until Doctor Who turns up and saves us from the mess we've made; which seems to us to be a pretty accurate musical depiction of the 1970 adventure Inferno! Hooray!
In 1993, Marvel's Doctor Who Yearbook featured a 'Terrible Tunes' Top 10, listing a chart of Doctor Who tributes hand-picked by MC 'Hammie' Howe (better known as author and collector David J Howe): "Falling to number 5 is the environmental concern record Doctor . . . ? by Blood Donor. Looks like they've run out of steam there." The track was also mentioned in a Doctor Who Top Ten within Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons' Completely Useless Encyclopedia in 1996, where it came third. "A genuine novelty this one: a Doctor Who inspired number that's actually rather good"...
1983 - Doctor Who is Gonna Fix It
Bullamakanka: Doctor Who is Gonna Fix It
7" vinyl single, November 1983
Australia: RCL Records
US: BBC/Gemcon BBC 454
UK: BBC RESL 132
A. Doctor Who is Gonna Fix It
B. Harlequin
Bullamakanka are Ovenden, Watson and Young
Produced by Ian Mason
Engineered by Don Rummery for Hit City Productions
--> Lyrics
Well I was sittin' in front of the TV set
There were nothin' much else to do
Then along comes this amazing co
They called him Doctor Who
It was half-past-six on the ABC
Just before the news
No ads to interrupt me
On an interspacial cruise
There was moving metal madness
A-programmed to destroy
The Doctor has them covered
To twart their every ploy
'Exterminate, exterminate'
That evil monotone
The Doctor fights the Daleks
And I'm then all alone
Doctor Who is gonna fix it
Doctor Who will put it right
As he moves across the galaxy
At twice the speed of light
Back into the future
The TARDIS travels time
With his beautiful assistant
And his trusty mate K9 |
A patent blue policeman's booth
But when inside the doors
A vast interior complex
Defies dimensional laws
His robot dog is by his side
He packs a powerful punch
And he always has the answers
When it comes down to the crunch
Doctor Who is gonna fix it
Doctor Who will put it right
As he moves across the galaxy
At twice the speed of light
Back into the future
The TARDIS travels time
With his beautiful assistant
And his trusty mate K9 |
The threats of time and outer space
He'll always keep in line
He'll put the nasties in their place
Throughout the realms of time
The why and where of how and when
The back beyond and through
The what and if and maybe
Will depend on Doctor Who
Doctor Who is gonna fix it
Doctor Who will put it right
As he moves across the galaxy
At twice the speed of light
Back into the future
The TARDIS travels time
With his beautiful assistant
And his trusty mate K9 |
/ Compilation releases (as 'Dr. Who'
/ as 'The Ballad of Dr Who')
-
In Search Of Bullamakanka 12" Vinyl / Cassette, 1983 (RCL Records)
- Bullamakanka CD / Cassette, 1993 (Hughes Leisure Group BUD-5)
 The Best of Bullamakanka Australian compilation CD, May 2002 (MCA 504422) |
Bullamakanka first formed in 1978 in Tweed Heads, Northern N.S.W. "At the
time we happened to be three out of work Musos with a common love of American
Bluegrass Music," founder member Ray Young told TME in September 2000, "so
for two months every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons we would get together
and practice at the Port of Call Hotel in Coolangatta." Combining acoustic
guitar, mandolin and banjo, the group (Young, Dave Ovenden and Rex Radonich
respectively) covered traditional Australian and bluegrass American music in
their own, twangy style. In August 1978 the band played their first gig,
still within Port of Call walls, to a generally bewildered audience. "Whether
the people at the time had ever heard Bluegrass music or not we'll never
really know," Young admitted. "People in the audience would sort of look at
us funny and were never really sure what we were playing. To this day I still
firmly believe that we were way ahead of our time."
Bullamakanka soon recruited additional members on bass, fiddle and percussion, began writing their own material
("albeit a little hokey, but we were getting there"), and found that their cover
of the Australian anthem Give Me a Home Among the Gum Trees was making the charts
in most states, opening up a wide touring schedule that included Sydney,
Melbourne and Brisbane, helping to promote their 1982 album, Bullamakanka. The
follow-up, In Search of Bullamakanka, featured Doctor Who is Gonna Fix It
(also known simply as Dr Who), a guitar/fiddle based track with decidedly silly
lyrics. "We wrote this song because we were
all mad Dr Who fans and when I look back at the song now I guess it really is
quite absurd, but it just happened to be the right thing to do at the time,"
Young reflected, 17 years after the single's release. "We always played the
song live and the people loved it and it did become a cult song over here."
In celebration of the series' Twentieth Anniversary, BBC Records re-issued the 7"
on both sides of the Atlantic (alongside Jon Pertwee's Who is the Doctor and the theme from K9 and Company),
though Bullamakanka's brief tribute to the Doctor Who melody reportedly
failed to impress its original composer, Ron Grainer, and sales appear to
have been limited - much to the band's disappointment. "Sadly the original
composer of the theme from the T.V. series kicked up a big stink and
apparently was so put out that a bunch of "colonials" should desecrate his
composition with such archaic instruments like banjos and mandolins that he
had the whole thing quashed, and the whole thing went down the gurgler, which
instead of giving us a chance to make a quid and get an even break, sadly
nothing ever came of it."
Even after 22 years the group continue to work together. "All the original
members have come and gone, and rejoined and left again and rejoined again
and gone again etc. It's just one of those bands, you just can't say
goodbye." Their version of Give Me a Home Among the Gum Trees has been the
title theme to Australian lifestyle show 'Burke's Backyard' for over ten years,
and The Best of Bullamakanka, released on CD and cassette in 1993, was updated and expanded with new tracks in 2002. "We don't work as much anymore as 20 years of touring takes
it's toll and we're all a little older and wiser," Young concluded. "Most of
the time all the guys work solo around the traps, [whilst] I myself have a
modest home recording studio and try to get some songs written from time to
time."
Gary Russell displayed a hilarious lack of information when he bravely
included the single alongside other Who-related records in a feature for the
DWM 1984 Summer Special:
Back to novelty records now - and back to BBC Records briefly for Doctor Who
Is Gonna Fix It (RESL 132) released during 1983 by an Australian man/group
(who knows?) called Bullamakanka and is a silly little ditty that is worth
having because it is so awful (rather like the 60s record I'm Going To Spend
Christmas With A Dalek [sic]). When you consider how long Australia has had
an interest in the programme it is perhaps surprising that this seems to be
the first and only record from the country about the series.
Twelve years later, the record was still considered musically poor by Chris
Howarth and Steve Lyons in their Completely Useless Encyclopaedia (Virgin
Publishing, 1996), where it came fifth in a Doctor Who Top Ten. "It would be
easy to dismiss this record as a pile of bulamakak," they laugh, "but we
mustn't be too harsh. Taking into account the fact that the band came from
Australia - the land that gave us such rock luminaries as Kylie and Jason,
Rolf Harris and INXS - it's likely that Bulamakanka [sic] were the pinnacle
of Oz-rock."
1986 - Sci-Fi Medley (Frank Sidebottom)
Produced and arranged by Frank Sidebottom in my garden shed. (But don't tell my mum) |
Frank Sidebottom's Sci-Fi EP
7" vinyl EP, July 1986
Regal Zonophone (subsidairy of EMI) Z41
This EP is also acknowledged as the 'Oh Supermum' single. A shaped picturedisc (ZP41) was also available, possibly with a different track order.
SIDE A
1. Oh Supermum
2. I'm the Urban Spaceman
SIDE B
1. Sci-Fi Medley featuring Star Trek Intro / Star Trek Theme / Captain Scarlet / Aqua Marina / Batman Theme / Bill and Ben / Space 1999 Theme / Doctor Who Theme / Transformers / Stingray / Fireball Xl5 Theme / Thunderbirds Theme
2. Space is Ace
3. Robot Frank |
 |
Frank Sidebottom's Sci-Fi EP
12" vinyl LP, July 1986
Regal Zonophone 12Z41
SIDE A
1. Lard Conversation
2. Oh Supermum
3. I'm the Urban Spaceman
4. Sci-Fi Medley
SIDE B
1. Space Is Ace
2. Roger Robot
3. Fireball Xl5
4. Life on Mars
5. The Theme Tune from Close Encounters of the Third Kind |
Eighties icon Frank Sidebottom began his ascent to fame in 1971, when Chris
Sievey and his brother hitched a lift to London and staged a sit-in at the
Beatles' Apple Records headquarters, demanding studio time. They eventually recorded a session and
numerous demos, but only received an avalanche of rejection slips that Chris
later published as a small book (with a second volume dedicated exclusively
to Virgin Records rejections). Following the set up of his own label and over
sixty demo releases, Sievey eventually cobbled together a punk band called
The Freshies, featuring Barry Spencer (guitar), Rick Sarko (bass) and Mike
Doherty (drums), that operated between 1980 and 1982. They even broke into
the charts on MCA Records with the single I'm in Love With the Girl on the
Manchester Virgin Megastore. Yet the most enduring legacy of The Freshies
was their spoof number one fan, Frank Sidebottom: nothing more than Chris
Sievey wearing a paper maché head.
Recording terrible cover versions (and the occasional original song) in his
garden shed, without telling his mother, Sidebottom went on to release an
alarming amount of - incredibly hard to find - singles and LPs. Alongside
various Timperley EPs, where all the tracks contained, er, 'Timperley',
were releases like Frank Sings the Magic of Freddie Mercury and Queen (and
the 12" version, ... and Kylie Minogue (You Know, Her off 'Neighbours)') Best
of the Answering Machine, 6 All-time Great Footballing Chants (including
'Nil-Nil', 'Wemberley', and 'There's Only One Referee') and the Christmas
album B******s To Christmas. He also released a single containing no less
than nine different mixes of the same song, and John Kettley wasn't the only
BBC weatherman to have a song written about him, as Ian McCaskill's name was
put to Frank's own lament. His jam-packed compilation album, A B C & D...
the Best of Frank Sidebottom, was released by Cherry Red in 1997 (CDMRED
143), and Sievey continues to tour and make television appearances as the
enthusiastic music-maker.
Frank Sidebottom's Sci-Fi EP was one of the first releases, introducing his
original track, Oh Supermum, and the hilariously bad Sci-Fi Medley, which
covered eleven cult themes in under two and a half minutes. The 12"
sleeve notes (written from "dateline 2086")joked "i go in my garden shed one
afternoon and after a fewhours.... i've recorded my sci-fi e.p.", and related
how the copyright owners of The Theme from 2001 refused permission
("proberbly because it was much better than their version") so Thunderbirds
had to replace it as the Medley finalé. The medley, sung and performed on one
synthesiser by Frank, included a brief rendition of the Doctor Who theme,
beginning with the bass intro and running until the oo-ee-oo, dah-de-dah
section, where it branched into the theme from Transformers. Frank's
enthusiastic singing continued overtop, with the TARDIS noise and the lyrics
"It's Doctor 'Ooo... / Here comes Doctor Who and the Daleks"! Tracks from the
EP appeared in the fourth episode of the short-lived ITV series 'Frank
Sidebottom's Fantastic Shed Show', where Gerry Anderson and Roy Lake had to
endure 'Space is Ace' and 'Oh Supermum' (Tx: Yorkshire Television 14-08-92),
and the medley continues to be performed live.
1985 - Doctor in Distress
Who Cares: Doctor in Distress
7" vinyl single, March 1985 (Record Shack DOC1)
12" vinyl single, March 1985 (Record Shack DOCT1)
A. Doctor In Distress *
B. Doctor In Distress (Instrumental) *
* Edited version on 7", extended version on 12"
Written by Fiachra Trench and Ian Levine
Performed by Hans Zimmer, Mel Weston
Organized By Paul Mark Tams & Jeff Weston
--> Contributing Vocalists
Vocalists
Carlene Bentley, Faith Brown, Miquel Brown, Bobby G, Hazel Dean (Bucks Fizz)
Colin Baker, Anthony Ainley, Nicholas Courtney, Nicola Bryant, Julie Harris (Dr. Who)
Floid, Steve Grant, Jona Lewie (Hot Gossip) Basia Trzetrzelewska, Danny White (Matt Bianco)
Justin Hayward, John Lodge (Moody Blues) David Van Day, Phyllis Nelson, John Rocca (Music Academy)
Richie Pitts, Sally Thomsett (Starlight Express) Warren Cann (Ultravox )
Ronnie Ball, Rick Buckler, Fletcher Christian, Jimmy Edwards, Ray Simone,Nick Smith (Time UK)
/ Lyrics
(
Italicised lyrics are in the extended 12" version only)
18 months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
18 months is too long to wait
bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
It was a cold wet night in November 22 years ago
It was a police box in a junkyard - we didn't know where it would go
An old man took two teachers into time and space
It started off a legend that no other could replace
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less
(Where's the Doctor - over there!)
(That police box takes him everywhere!)
(Oh! Bring him back!)
There were evil metal creatures who tried to exterminate
Inside each of their casings was a bubbling lump of hate
We met cybernetic humans with no feelings at all
Warriors of the ice who stood over seven feet tall
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less
Bring him back now, we won't take less
If we stop his travels, he'll be in a mess
The galaxy will fall to evil once more
With nightmarish monsters fighting a war
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less |
18 months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
18 months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
18 months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
18 months is too long to wait
Bring back the Doctor don't hesitate!
(No no no no no-o-o-o-o!)
(Bring back the Doctor!)
(Bring back the Doctor!)
We learnt to accept six Doctors with companions at their side
When they were faced with danger they didn't run they didn't hide
There was the Brigadier and the Master and a canine computer
Each screaming girl just hoped that a Yeti wouldn't shoot her
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less
Bring him back now, we won't take less
If we stop his travels, he'll be in a mess
The galaxy will fall to evil once more
With nightmarish monsters fighting a war
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less
Doctor In Distress - let's all answer his SOS
Doctor In Distress - bring him back now we won't take less |
/ Promo Video
Unusually for a Doctor Who tribute, this cheap-sounding record was accompanied by an even cheaper-looking promotional video directed by Keith Barnfather (apparently a late replacement for Mike Mansfield). Featuring footage from the studio recording clearly wasn't enough for Barnfather, who framed every shot with a different electronic effect and incorporated computer generated images of satelites beaming the record's message across the globe and into television sets. At one point a spaceship was seen beaming the song towards a planet; this was a (barely disguised) effects shot from Shada, the unfinished Tom Baker story from 1979, taken from a privately-held copy of the model footage. The material had been distributed on Levine's mid-80s video version of Shada (which used on-screen text to bridge the completed scenes), but had not been offered for the 1992 BBC Video: Tom Baker's linking narration only included a still picture of the model.
Clips from the video were shown during BSB Galaxy's Doctor Who Weekend (Saturday 22 and Sunday 23 September 1990); as part of UK Gold's Dr Who @ 40 broadcasts in November 2003 (as pictured); and on the Nicola Bryant Myth Makers VHS, re-released on DVD-R in 2004.
(C) Record Shack/Reeltime Pictures 1985, reproduced without permission
On Saturday 2 March 1985, The Daily Star printed an article about the
recently announced 18-month hiatus of Doctor Who, following a slump in
viewer ratings and the appointment of a new BBC Controller with little respect
for the cult programme. The Daily Star and The Sun had already launched a
'Save Dr Who' campaign, with special cut-out badges printed inside, and were
keen to encourage criticism of the BBC's reckless decision. This particular
article added some rather more alarming news: "A Band Aid style record has
been planned to raise cash for the Save Dr Who cause. Fans hope Elton John
and Holly Johnson - both Who fans - will take part along with The Village
People."
To the public's horror, this was regrettably true. The original intention was
to use the proceeds from record sales to further the campaign for the series'
return, but this idea was dropped once it was realised that this would hardly
promote sales, and a registered charity was selected instead. The track was
written by infamous Doctor Who fan and record producer Ian Levine (who had
become an unofficial advisor to the 1980s production team) and his
song writing partner Fiachra Trench, with whom he had composed the theme to
spin-off series K9 and Company in 1982. Although none of the Star's suggested artists
could be persuaded to donate their talents to the cause, a dubious collection
of 'C'-list celebs and members of the Doctor Who TV cast were roped into
helping Levine and Trench realise their vision and bully the BBC into
reconsidering their controversial decision.
The single - with it's angry "Bring it back now, we won't take less" chorus -
was recorded on Thursday 7 and Friday 8 March 1985, by over 30 artists and
musicians assembled by Doctor Who fan Paul Mark Tamms and the Managing
Director of Record Shack, Jeff Weston. The record was pressed and distributed
as quickly as possible, and released one week later on Friday 15 March,
accompanied by a promotional video produced by Reeltime Pictures.
ITV's The Six O'Clock Show produced a short news item about the release,
featuring interviews with a bemused public. The record received
little airplay, with the BBC refusing to play it owing to its
poor production. Colin Baker is quoted in The Sixth Doctor Handbook as saying
"I am someone who likes to break records," and we presume he meant this
one.
The track was
mentioned in a Doctor Who Top Ten within Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons'
Completely Useless Encyclopaedia in 1996, where it came second. (The entry
heading Each Screaming Girl Just Hoped That A Yeti Wouldn't Shoot 'Er, was
also lifted from the song.) "We imagine the Doctor was in distress because
he'd heard this record", they began. "Released during the cancellation
crisis, this charity disc had been announced as an epic of Band Aid
proportions. As it turned out, they got Sally Thomsett from Man About The
House. The BBC refused to play it, either because it embarrassed them by
harping on about the suspension of Doctor Who, or because it was crap. Take
your pick. Although a flop in chart terms, the record did achieve its aims:
rather than risk Who Cares doing a follow-up, the BBC commissioned Season
Twenty-Three."
Ian Levine finally made a statement (and an apology, of sorts) about the
project some 20 years later, when, marking the first transmission of Family
Guy on BBC2 on 22 October 2005 (an American series whose worldwide fans had twice saved it from cancellation), The Guardian looked at other fan attempts
to save axed TV shows. Inevitably, the article eventually touched with some
glee upon this record. "(It's) not just the fans who've protested. Sometimes,
it's the crew. Former Take That producer Ian Levine was asked by Dr Who
insiders to create a protest record after internal wrangles left it on the
verge of the cancellation back in 1985. The result - Who Cares?, featuring
the then lead actors Colin Baker and Nicola Bryant and several Bucks Fizz
members - was not, however, an overwhelming success. Or, as Levine puts it:
'It was an absolute balls-up fiasco. It was pathetic and bad and stupid. It
tried to tell the Dr Who history in an awful high-energy song. It almost
ruined me.'"
Shortly after opening his own internet forum in May 2006, Levine was asked again about the sucess of Doctor in Distress. "It cost more to press than it ever brought in from revenue", he bitterly revealed.
"I know it sold less than a thousand copies and they had to melt down thousands of the thing as they were expecting far more sales. Every penny of its profits was to have gone to Cancer Research.
Sadly its profit was zero." Although keen to shift the blame for the record's inception ("I think Gary Downie first suggested it, and said that I should do it, and JN-T leaped on the idea"), Levine later bought back the rights to the song. "The record label, Record Shack, were acutely embarrassed at the time. Years later they went bankrupt and I bought all the music for a fixed fee from the liquidator." Knowing how tightly Levine holds onto his Doctor Who-related film and video material, it looks like a reissue or compilation appearance of this song will be strictly over his dead body!
1988 - Doctorin' the Tardis
Ford Timelord - Talent
Lord Rock - Controls
Time Boy - Navigation |
The Timelords: Doctorin' the Tardis 7" vinyl single, 23 May 1988
UK: KLF Communications KLF 003
Germany: DEMIX / Rough Trade 457004
Belgium: InDisc KLF 003
Spain: Spitfire / Blanco Y Negro SP X/S 106
Sweden: Sonet T-20109
Australia: Possum 104919
10" picture-disc KLF Communications KLF 003P
A. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
B. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal)
12" vinyl single, 23 May 1988
UK: KLF Communications KLF 003T
USA: TVT Records TVT 4020
Australia: Possum TDS 482
Germany: DEMIX / Rough Trade 4512004
France: Virgin France SA 80387
A. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix)
B1. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
B2. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal)
An alternate 12" release, KLF 003R, featuring Radio, Minimal and Instrumental Minimal mixes, was listed by both 1991's Music Collector and 1997's Record Collector discographies, though we've yet to find a copy ourselves and are a little suspicious. It looks more likely to be mis-reading of the Gary in the Tardis 12" (see below for correct details).
CD-Video single, September 1988
Phonovision Entertainment KLFCD 003
1. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
2. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal) * titled Instrumental
3. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix) * titled 12" Club Mix
4. Doctorin' the Tardis (video)
|
--> Lyrics
Doctor Who-oo - Hey! - Doctor Who
Doctor Who-oo - In! - The Tardis
Doctor Who-oo - Hey! - Doctor Who
Doctor Who - Doc, Doctor Who
Doctor Who - Doc, Doctor Who
|
Dosh dosh dosh... loadsamoney!
We obey no-one; we are the superior beings
Exterminate! |
/ Sleevenote
Dear Punter / The name is Ford Timelord and I'm the leader of the group. You're most probably wondering how me, a yank cop car, is now a local Essex boy making records. I was born in Detroit in 1968, my father worked for the car people there, but in 1970 he got promotion. It meant the family relocating to the Dagenham plant in Essex, England. / I grew up always being the odd one out in the junior parking lot and on the runs to Scotland but my looks got me cameo and character parts in movies that were being filmed over here. Superman 3 was my biggest break. I fancied my chances in the music game cause I know what people want to hear. So, I mixed and matched some tunes we all know and love, got some mates down and made this record. Sounds like a hit to me. / Success and fame? I can handle it. I've got more going for me than most of the cardboard cut out excuses for pop stars around at the moment. After this I reckon I could be an all round show biz personality, host my own chat show, something like that. / Yours Ford.
/ Introduction
On the KLF compilation album Shag Times, Ford Timelord provided a spoken introduction to the song: "Ha, that's what they thought, until I come along and put em straight. Me? I'm Ford Timelord, and the only party worth going to next is the one you have to celebrate your own number one hit single. Course, I had to arrange a few things first, like this..."
/ Promo Video
/ Compilation releases ("Radio" only)
 Shag Times Double LP/CD 1988 (KLF Communications JAMS DLP3/CD3) - featured both the radio and minimal versions |
 The History of the JAMS aka The Timelords US LP/cassette/CD, 1988 (TVT Records TVT 4040) - featured radio version |
 Compilation Now That's What I Call Music 12 (EMI/Virgin/Polygram NOW 12), with the video on the UK-PAL VHS compilation of the same name (Picture Music International / EMI / Virgin MVNOW 12) |
 Compilation CD The Greatest Hits of 1988 |
- UK compilation Hits Hits Hits 2 (Telstar Records/BP Lifestyle BP14), a cassette that was given away free in BP garages.
Hot on the heels of entertaining Star Trek tribute Star Trekkin', whose daft lyrics ("there's Klingons on the starboard bow", and "it's life, Jim, but not as we know it") had successfully caught the public's attention, Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond - hidden behind the alias of a car, of all
things - mixed a truck-load of songs into very memorable tribute to Doctor Who. Their intention was to point out the stupidity (and cash-in mentality) of the former single, but luckily for us the resulting song was completely brilliant. Respectable BBC Radio 1 played the single 14 times before its release, it made waves in countries as diverse as New Zealand, Greece and Germany, and achieved the seemingly impossible: a UK number one hit single, which made its chart-topping mark on 18th June 1988.
Whilst the title is
adapted from Coldcut's Doctorin' the House (released in March 1988), the main
chorus is nicked from Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll (Part Two) from 1973 and
the main riff from Gary Glitter's Leader of The Gang (I Am) of the same year.
The sirens and glam guitar are stolen from Sweet's Blockbuster
(1973), the vocal interludes ("Dosh Dosh Dosh", etc) from Harry Enfield's
Loadsamoney's Doin' Up The House (May 1988), and Dalek, TARDIS and Doctor Who
theme samples from the 1979 LPs Genesis of the Daleks and Doctor Who Sound
Effects.
Bill Drummond spoke openly about the single during a 1989 interview in
Offbeat Magazine. "Jimmy had the idea of using the Dr Who theme. We spent
weeks trying to do a House mix but the only rhythm that would work was the
Glitter beat. Of course, we thought nobody's going to want to listen to the
Glitter beat, it's so naff. It started off all ethnicy, like a jungle rhythm.
We were hitting walls with sticks and everything. The engineer wanted to go
home because he hated what we were doing. By the end of Tuesday, though, we
knew what we'd got and decided to go for it, nothing was too cheap. We
searched for the lowest common denominators. We put in 'You Wot!?!' and
'Bosh! Bosh! Bosh!' after we decided that. We found out later that Pete
Waterman was working an a Dr Who track at the same time. It was just a case
of who did it first, because the Karma was right for it to happen."
On Ford
Timelord, Bill remembered "the Sun
and Mirror hated it. We thought they'd love it, interviewing a car, but it
degrades all their other 'exclusive' stories. They could smell we were
sending things up and they weren't in control of it. They wanted to talk to
us, an expose." The car, bought by Cauty for £250, carried the
band to Sweden to meet Abba, was once shot at by an angry Swedish farmer, and
starred in the KLF music videos for Doctorin' The Tardis (knocking over fake
Daleks when the BBC refused the loan of real ones), The White Room,
Brilliant, Disco 2000, Justified and Ancient, and The
Beatmasters' Who's In The House? The 7" vinyl claims to be "the most
nauseating record in the world", but the only thing disagreeable about this
song is the absurd amount of releases it enjoyed (and the mixed up remix
titles).
The reaction by Doctor Who fans was initially less than ecstatic. The fanzine
Star Begotten (edited by Nick Cooper and Tim Munro) offered "STUFF THE
TIMELORDS" and "MAKE SOMEBODY HAPPY - DISEMBOWEL A TIMELORD TODAY" badges for
around 30p ("double price for anyone who was actually sick enough to buy the
record"), and printed the following review in Issue 6 (Spring 1988): "There
is no BBC approval on it, yet there is a bit of Roy Skelton from 'Genesis'.
Is the Dalek grating 'Dosh, dosh, dosh - loadsamoney!' a fan's revenge on
Terry Nation? Whatever the answers, it will do nothing for the show's image.
RECOMMENDATION: Burn down any record shop you find stocking it." The public,
however, thought otherwise. In the UK the record stuck in the music charts
for weeks, and in Australia the
single entered the music charts on 21 August at No. 8, rose the following
week to No. 4, spent the next four weeks at No. 3 and finally peaked at No. 2
on 2 October.
Although BBC Enterprises were not consulted about the release, the
corporation willingly allowed the video clip (directed by Bill Butt) to be
used in their programmes, and even invited the band to play on Top of the
Tops. This edition of TOTP (tx: Thursday 23rd June) was repeated on satellite channels (including UK
Gold) throughout the 1990s, and the clip featured in a TOTP2
special on BBC2 (tx: 10th January 2001).
Later in their career, the KLF wrote The Manual, a detailed book that guided the reader
towards a No.1 hit, covering the golden rules of structuring, recording, editing, promotion and the follow-up.
The entire manuscript is available to read on-line at
instrumentality.com, and although Doctorin’ the Tardis is never directly
referred to, the allusions are abundant – this single was their ultimate
paint-by-numbers release.
The track is often used on television and radio to complement Doctor Who
features or spoofs; it appears on the video documentary accompanying The
Curse of Fatal Death, the American documentary The Making
of Silver Nemesis (included on the BBC Video release in 1992), and was used
throughout UK Gold's Doctor Who @ 40 weekend in November 2003. It has most
recently been heard during BBC Radio 2's Project: Who? documentaries and BBC
Three's Doctor Who Confidential, both of which chronicled the making of the
new series on BBC1 in 2005.
1988 - Gary in the Tardis
The Timelords featuring Gary Glitter: Gary in the Tardis
12" vinyl single, w/limited edition picture sleeve, 13 June 1988
UK: KLF Communications KLF 003R
Australia: Possum TDS 491
Germany: DEMIX / Rough Trade 4513004
Europe: KLF Communications KLF 123
A1. Gary in the Tardis (radio)
A2. Gary in the Tardis (minimal)
B. Gary Glitter Joins The J.A.M.S.
Click here to see picture sleeve,
here to see standard UK issue, and
here to see German version.
 |
US 7" vinyl and cassette single, 1988
TVT Records 4025 (7") / 4023 (cassette)
A. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
B. Gary in the Tardis (radio)
US CD single, 1988 TVT Records TVT 4024CD3
1. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio) * titled 7" mix
2. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix) * titled Dub
3. Gary Glitter Joins the J.A.M.S. * titled Gary in the Tardis
Belgian CD, 1988 InDisc KLF 093
1. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
2. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix) * titled Mega Mix
3. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal) * titled Instrumental
4. Gary in the Tardis (radio)
5. Gary in the Tardis (minimal)
6. Gary Glitter Joins the J.A.M.S.
US CD reissue, July 1991 TVT Records TVT 4025-2
1. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio)
2. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix) * titled 12" mix
3. What Time is Love?
4. Gary Glitter Joins the J.A.M.S.
5. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal) * titled Instrumental
Canadian CD, paperboard sleeve Somersault SOMCD 736 1. Gary in the Tardis (radio)
2. Gary in the Tardis (minimal)
3. Gary Glitter Joins the J.A.M.S.
4. Doctorin' the Tardis (radio) * titled 7" edit
5. Doctorin' the Tardis (minimal) * titled Instrumental
6. Doctorin' the Tardis (club mix) * titled 12" mix
Ford Timelord - Talent
Lord Rock - Controls
Time Boy - Navigation
Gary Glitter - Leader
|
--> Lyrics
(
Italicised lyrics are in Gary Glitter Joins the J.A.M.S. only)
Huh - James Brown. We've been hearing a lot of him lately. Far too much. Well thanks Mr James Brown, but you can have your samples back. Cos we've got something else. We've got the godfather of glam. The king of stomp. The leader of the gang. The man is back. Gary Glitter joins the JAMS!
Did you miss me?
Yeah!
Do you love me?
Yeah!
Do you wanna touch me?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Hahahahahaha.... ! |
He's the leader - Hey! - of the gang
He's the leader - In! - the Tardis
He's the leader - Hey! - of the gang
Rock 'n' Roll - Rock, Rock 'n' Roll
Rock 'n' Roll - Rock, Rock 'n' Roll
Dosh dosh dosh!
We obey no-one; we are the superior beings!
I'm the leader - Hey! - of the gang
I'm the leader - In! - the Tardis
I'm the leader - Hey! - of the gang
Rock 'n' Roll - Rock, Rock 'n' Roll
Rock 'n' Roll - Rock, Rock 'n' Roll |
/ Sleevenote
DEAR FAN, / Well, I said it sounded like a hit, and getting to NUMBER ONE is about as much of a hit as you can have. / Between the original mix coming out and this one, a couple of minor details have come to light that I would rather keep hushed. Firstly, I am a TIMELORD in the true sense, that I can time travel. Secondly, my U.S. cop car body is only the latest in a long line of regenerations that I have had. Currently I can regenerate at will into a pair of drumkits. As such you may have spotted me on our TOP OF THE TOPS appearance. / Fellow TIMELORD, GARY GLITTER and I have had a love/hate relationship through the years. We still quibble over who in fact invented THE GLITTER BEAT. I was in the original line up, then split with the rest of the boys to form THE GLITTER BAND. When GARY heard I was back making records and using not only the beat but nicking one of his tunes, he was enraged. We patched up our differences and this is the result. / YOURS, FORD.
/ Compilation releases ("Radio" only)
American The History of the JAMS aka The Timelords CD, 1988 (TVT Records TVT 4040) - featured radio version as a bonus track (not on the LP and cassette) |
Only a month after their Number 1 success, The Timelords joined forces with glam king Gary Glitter for an additional remix, including extra lines from Glitter in the form of the audience repetition that formed such a large part of his live performances ("Do ya wanna touch me??" / "YEAH!!", etc.). The radio and minimal mixes were essentially enhanced versions of the original tracks, with the Gary minimal removing the Doctor Who melody (leaving only the chords) and adding a purring motorcycle into the left ear. The club side, Gary Glitter Joins The JAMS, included looped and cut samples of Glitter's vocals with occasional appearances by the Doctor Who bass melody, and a variety of sound effects in the background.
The single was generally available in a plain black sleeve, though 4,000 picture sleeves were available in Germany and UK radio stations received one of 500 7" promos (KLF 003 [GG], b/w Tonegroove). It barely entered the charts, though Glitter and The Timelords made a second live appearance on Top of the Tops in late-June. Both the remix and Gary Glitter Joins The JAMS appeared alongside Doctorin' on most of the subsequent contemporary releases (often mis-titled), and on US CD copies of The History of the JAMS aka The Timelords in 1991. A CD-R bootleg containing remixes and promos from assorted KLF singles, released by an unknown company in an unknown year, included Gary Glitter Joins The J.A.M.S. under the name of Doctorin' The Tardis (Gary Glitter Remix). Glitter's autobiography, Leader, thanks the band for getting him onto the cover of NME.
